When does transition ever stop? Coping with uncertainty
Does it ever feel like we’re constantly in transition, hopping from one unstable situation to the next? Lately, I’ve been realizing that the desire for stability might be unrealistic, especially in today’s world. I was talking to a friend recently and made the comment that while I thought I was patient with people, I definitely wasn’t when it came to life events. This year for example, I had to move from one lodging to a new one that needed some work. Both moving out and back in required some patience and multiple steps that were entirely foreseeable but could not be controlled in advance (for example when it came to the precise timing). The whole situation was completely normal, there was no particular problem and I have nothing to complain about — except my own impatience.
I think my main issue is that I felt I needed to limit the transition time between a former state of stability and a new one. But are things ever stable? When it comes to work, I’ve had jobs in which I stayed many years and others that were shorter, but rarely did I feel things were really stable. Sometimes change is imposed to us, as with redundancies, and sometimes we make it happen when we move to a new employer for example.
Now the question is if this whole notion of stability makes sense in today’s working environment. There is a definite sense of acceleration of time, if only if we look at all the historical events that happened since the beginning of the millennium, and this impacts our working lives as well, notably with the omnipresence of technology. We are still trying to understand the huge impact that mobile phones have had and are having not just on our lives but our brain and our children that grow with them. But how do we cope with this? I feel that it’s not so much the transition itself that annoys us, but rather the constant feeling of uncertainty. Obviously, we know that change is unavoidable but how do we cope with it?
I read this very interesting article in HBR on “6 strategies on leading with uncertainty”. Here are those 6 strategies (but of course I encourage you to check the whole article!):
- Embrace the Discomfort of Not Knowing
- Distinguish Between Complicated and Complex
- Let Go of Perfectionism
- Resist Oversimplifications and Quick Conclusions
- Don’t Go It Alone
- Zoom Out
I won’t discuss them all but want to focus on the underlying element of how they all address our feeling of discomfort. As we’re not at ease with the situation, we may see it as too complicated and may overprepare, or in the contrary neglect important elements and oversimplify. This is why it’s critical not only to work on the practical elements of analysis and strategy, but also — and maybe more importantly — to focus on our own feelings. What I found for myself is that my main challenge wasn’t the situation itself but my perception of it. Sometimes the stress generated by the uncertainty will cloud our judgement and may lead to bad decisions, or to no decision at all, which may actually harm us.
This is why the advice of “not going it alone” is so important. We need to have a safe space to discuss this confidentially and with full confidence, which is the whole point of coaching. As this MIT article explains, “Focusing on the importance of soft skills (social and communication skills) doesn’t always feel comfortable or easy. Yet soft skills, especially given today’s uncertainties, are more vital than ever personally and professionally”. I tend to prefer using the words “behavioral skills” instead of “soft skills” because it’s a bit more precise. The point is to address our behavior in a specific situation, and see how we can behave differently and more positively for a better outcome.
This is why a coach (and I daresay a “human” coach, not a gen-AI chatbot) is so useful. They can really help us pinpoint the source of our impatience and support us in changing our mindset and putting in place strategies to face a specific issue, in particular when we don’t really have control over it but rather over how we react to it. During a recent coaching session, I talked about this topic as I was frustrated by a particular situation. With the help of my coach, I could think about practical steps I could implement to help me circumvent the problem and look at it in a different way that was offering me avenues for practical action. This was a game changer.
So where do we go from there?
In my mind the first step is to address this topic of uncertainty with a coach, or a mentor, in any case with a non-judgemental third party. The simple act of expressing the feeling of frustration will help see things from another angle and lead to a new, more constructive mindset. Beyond this, it’s critical to acknowledge the fact that uncertainty is the only certainty. As the ancient Stoic philosophers taught, we can find peace not by controlling external events, but by mastering our internal responses to them. This leads to my final point: we need to have some form of compassion as well as empathy not just towards others impacted by change, but towards ourselves. When it’s sometimes too complicated, there’s nothing wrong in stepping back and getting support.
